Veiled

Published on by kellyhuntson

45116352-lace-border[1]My husband tells me I have an innate ability to see the good in people no matter what. With Rosemary, that is exactly what I tried to do.

***

Sometimes there are patients you know very little about other than the medical history contained in their charts. When that is the case, it’s important to try to learn a few things about the person in order to foster a more therapeutic nurse-patient relationship. That relationship is at the very heart of nursing. That relationship helps you provide the best possible care.

Rosemary had one daughter who was married with a family and they lived in California. She called every day for updates on her mother. I spoke to her a couple of times on the phone, and she told me how hard it was to lose her mother in small bits and pieces over the years. She also told me how incredibly painful it was to live with the fact that her own mother didn’t know who she was. It was apparent that she loved her mother deeply, even though she wouldn’t be coming back to see her again.

On the first day I cared for Rosemary, she asked, “Who are you” every time I entered her room. And I would repeatedly reply, “I’m your nurse, Rosemary, my name is Kelly.” Rosemary was in the final stages of Alzheimer’s disease. She was admitted to the hospital due to a pneumonia infection.

Alzheimer’s disease is an irreversible, progressive brain disorder that slowly destroys one’s memory and ability to think. In its final stages, patients are bedridden, have difficulty eating and swallowing, need constant help with personal care, and lose their ability to communicate with words. Levels of awareness vary, with the world often experienced primarily through the senses in the last days of life. Most of the time, Rosemary slept.

One day, when I came into Rosemary’s room, she opened her eyes and looked right at me. She tracked me as I moved around. She watched me as I picked up a framed photo of her daughter and her family. I held the photo in front of her. I pointed to each person asking for their names. But her face remained expressionless as she closed her eyes and went back to sleep. She was so small in stature; she looked so lost in the hospital bed. That sweet image of her remains in my mind to this day.

Rosemary seemed to have an affinity for lace. She had several small pieces of intricate, white lace in round and square shapes on her bedside table and on the windowsill in the room. There was one piece of lace that was framed with the words, “dew of the sea” on the bedside table. I later found out that “dew of the sea” was the meaning behind the name, “Rosemary.” She also had a few hand-painted seashells in her room, and a photo of her at a much younger age where she appeared to be holding a bunch of carrots that looked like she had just picked them fresh from her garden, at least that is what I chose to believe.

In Rosemary’s final moments it didn’t matter to me that she hadn’t opened her eyes in days. It didn’t matter to me that she didn’t know who I was or if anyone was present in the room. I chose to sit with her because from what I learned, she lived a gentle life and liked pretty things. Rosemary gave love back to the world.

I witnessed Rosemary’s death right by her side. She was completely unaware that I was there.

But I knew I was there.

And I wasn’t going to let Alzheimer’s disease or death do anything to change that.

~

This is a true patient story. Only the name has been changed.

Copyright © Kelly Huntson and kellyhuntson.com All rights reserved.

76 thoughts on “Veiled”

  3. Thank you for your loving care of your patients.You will never know how the care has made a difference but you can see it when patients are not given that concern and consideration (they deteriorate)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes, that is true, but is most often the case if they have lost their will to live. Thank you very much for reading and for your kind words.

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  7. That was a really good post. You’re a saint. I couldn’t do what you do. I’m painfully uncomfortable around sick people. Thank God there are people like you in the world to cover for the cowards like me.

    If I ever show early signs of Alzheimer’s, I’m going to jump in front of the crosstown M42 bus. And I’m not kidding.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hey Mark
    Well there have been lots of advances in new drugs for it, so don’t panic. It’s very gradual, so if you (or anyone) thinks you are experiencing memory loss, you have to get it checked out asap. That is key to treating it. But there is no doubt it’s an awful disease. Will stop by soon to read your latest! Thanks so much for reading. :)

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  11. Please don’t feel pressured to read my post. Never feel pressured to read my posts. I hate that. I hate the thought that blogging is a ping pong match and since I read your post, now you’re obligated to read mine. That’s the part of blogging I wish I could change. It’s all ego.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I agree somewhat… but blogging won’t work without reciprocity! And besides, I always love your posts! I never feel pressured, no worries.

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  13. Most of my mother’s last year she was not responsive, but as you said it made no difference. We had to be there so she could feel a touch, perhaps hear us speak to her; to know someone cared… Thank you and other workers, who care enough to be ‘that person’…. Diane

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  14. Hi Diane – Yeah, you never really know just how aware someone could be right up until they pass. I’m so sorry you had to go through that with your mom – I remember you mentioning it before. Thank you for your kind words here.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I believe even the smallest act of love and compassion can do so much for patients. How lovely to read of your kindness to this person in her final days. If only every patient had this support, someone taking the time to find out the story behind the person in the bed, the life they had before this invasion of Alzheimer’s. . If only they could tell their story! Well done to you for caring x

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Where were the nurses like you when I was in the hospital?

    This story moved me, especially since my father-in-law died last week. He hadn’t opened his eyes in several days either. He died of congestive heart failure in his own home. He passed away in the middle of the night with only his elderly wife by his side. The two of them have a great love story.
    https://loreezlane.wordpress.com/2015/10/06/grow-old-with-you/

    God bless you, Nurse Kelly.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Thank you so much for this lovely comment! Please know that there are more incredible people working in healthcare than there are not… they just go unrecognized. Like anything else, the negativity usually gets the press. I was just doing my job here as any other nurse would. Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words. :)

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Matthew is doing well this week. He’s scheduled to begin his last round of chemo (seven days) on Monday, so we’re getting close…:) Thanks so much for asking, Kelly. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Sloan Kettering has been so good with him. They have relationships with all the sports teams in the city. So far he’s had a behind the scenes day at Yankee Stadium where he was on the field before the game, met some players, had a private tour of the ballpark, seats behind home plate for a game and access to Legends Restaurant. They’ve asked him what else he likes so I think before he’s done they have something else in mind. They do a great job with kids there.
    I know someone at Make A Wish but I’d rather they use their resources for children who have not been as lucky as Matthew or need the happiness a little more. He’s had a tough but shorter road than most. Others are not as fortunate and I just think they can use it a little more. I’m sure he’d feel the same way…:) Make A Wish does great things for children.

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  35. Felt the same way about my son… they had to twist my arm to accept a trip to Disney World… but kept telling me that after what he had been through, he deserved it. That was 9 years ago now, and I’ve been a volunteer speaker with MAW for 5 of those 9. My family also travels to Fla., to volunteer at Give Kids The World Village almost every year… which is where we stayed. You cannot imagine the feeling of being on the other side of that ice cream counter with your now healthy child… actually, you can! Nothing but silver linings in our lives ever since the day he was diagnosed… it really is remarkable. :)

    Liked by 1 person

  38. You are a kind person and this is a touching story. My grandma had Alzheimers but thankfully her heart gave out before she got to the point of not recognizing us. Still her personality had changed a lot. It was sad to see.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. Similar situation with one of my grandfathers – but he had a stroke and passed before it got really bad. It really is devastating to think about losing all of your memories. Thanks, Janna. Hope you are hanging in there. xo

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  41. What a beautiful thing to share, Kelly. I did hospice work for many years as a volunteer. It was a profound privilege to accompany human beings to the threshold of their next journey. For so many it’s a lonely time. Sitting vigil is a gift of the heart and spirit. I think the soul knows.

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  42. What wonderful words, Kelly. This especially grabbed me – she lived a gentle life, and liked pretty things, and gave love back to the world. In the end, isn’t the feeling of love around you enough, no matter who there to share it? I like to think that. What a difficult thing to watch. You are a saint! xox

    Liked by 1 person

  45. Oh Diana, thank you for the gift of your words this morning! They are so soothing to me. I’m sure you have many incredible memories of those experiences in your life. What a wonderful way to volunteer your time. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  47. That’s such a good point – the important thing is that the love is there, isn’t it. I agree.
    I have so many stories like this, and the thing about being a nurse is that none of them are ever alike. Like any other job, things become routine, and you lose sight of how your experiences must sound to someone else, especially with respect to witnessing death. An incredible person and blogging friend once told me to “make the unknown known” and I guess that’s what these stories are all about. Thanks, Ame xoxo

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  50. What a great idea about Give Kids The World Village. I read on line about the application process. I’ll want to look into it a little more. What a great thing to do for kids and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

  51. There is no place like it, George. It is very common for prior guest families to return to volunteer there. There are many retired regular volunteers as well, who live in the Kissimmee area who just live for the place. There is a book you can read by its founder, Henri Landwirth, called Love and Hate, that I highly recommend.

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  52. You remind me of James Herriot the doctor and writer of such books as All Things Bright And Beautiful. You should compile all your stories and publish it as a book. I will be one of the first to buy it.

    Reading your blog is always uplifting to the soul.

    Liked by 1 person

  53. That was a favorite of mine as a child, such a timeless message of compassion. Thanks for bringing it to mind! Your comment is very encouraging to me, Ravi, and I really appreciate it. I hope I can continue to be uplifting to you for a long time to come. Thank you so much!

    Liked by 1 person

  55. Wonderful and meaningful story to share. I’m not convinced that Rosemary was unaware of your presence in her final moments. Just because our limited technology can not detect brain activity beyond electroencephalography doesn’t mean Rosemary’s energy wasn’t appreciative for all that you did for her. You are a truly compassionate person.

    Liked by 1 person

  57. Hi Jonathon! Thanks so much! My mom would agree with you there… that’s the reason she demands to be cremated when she passes some day! Shoddy job at the morgue and there you are waking up in a casket! Thank you very much for your kind words here – much appreciated :)

    Liked by 1 person

  59. Thank you, Pastor Jim! Her daughter did know I was there when she passed. I appreciate your time in reading this and kind words here very much!

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  65. Heartfelt story. This reminds me of my friend who is going to nursing school and he talks about these kinds of interactions all the time.
    Anyway, I’d imagine I might do the same if I were you Kelly. Thank you for sharing. :)

    Liked by 1 person

  71. Kelly, I am thankful of good and caring health care workers d especially Nurses such as you… I will be up at Mom’s for 9 days doing my own personal assessment of her abilities and mobility. I hope to determine just a boost of home health care from the facility. I think Mom is not ready for assisted living and her surgeon who repaired her hip agrees. Take care and I will try to stop by and view more recent posts. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  73. Kelly such a gift you gave her, she would have felt something and would have been comforted by your loving kind presence. Such a comforting thing, not to die alone. I had a friend who had the pleasure of holding her grandmother’s hand when she passed and she said it was the most beautiful peaceful feeling. We are all connected no matter who we are. I am still in awe of the palliative care nurses that carried us through my father’s last days.
    Such a wonderfully written story.

    Liked by 1 person

  74. Hi Kath! Thank you for such a kind comment. No one would die alone if I could help it. And yes, I agree that we are all connected… what a wonderful measure of comfort that brings! xo

    Liked by 1 person

  75. I just found you today, and just read your post Veiled. It brought such warmth to my heart and soul. My mom has dementia; my best friend’s husband has Alzheimer’s. I pray for both of them to have a caring, loving nurse like you. You have made my day.

    Liked by 1 person

  76. And you have made my whole weekend with this lovely comment! I am so very sorry to hear of how these things have affected loved ones in your life. I wish you all the very best in the coming days – rely on your supports and live life one day at a time… find beauty in each day and let that be enough to carry you to the next… and share that beauty for as long as you can with your loved ones. Sharing life and being with them is all you can do… remember that and be at peace with that, and take good care of yourself as well. Sending a big hug :)

    Liked by 1 person

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